Anniversary, vocation found & sunlit days 6th Feb 2006

Hi complete gems

I do not know if you feel like gems but I am here to tell you that you are, whoever is reading this.
The picture on the right was taken on 24th January which marked 5 years since mum died. A dear friend took me to the Grove ( my favourite place locally with heart tables!) and it was a perfect setting with the sun out, slightly frosty but wonderful tea and biscuits overlooking the garden. Heavenly! I then walked along the canal still with the sun dancing on water, saw several swans and felt a deep sense of gratitude and peace as I looked back over the 5 years. The day before I had visited a friend who is very ill and it is so hard for her. So a mixed start to the week.

On a more mundane note I spent some time at Mums and Tots and managed to make a bird with string with a 2 years old and didn't disgrace myself too much (!!) Afterwards I went for lunch with a friend to a place that does the best and cheapest toasted sandwiches for miles around. Then 2 very cold ladies asked if I would do a survey on yoghurt which would take 15 minutes and be given a £3 M and S set of vouchers!! I always say no but this time I came back after lunch as I felt sorry for them. M and S has those fantastic orange and chocolate mini bites and wonderful other things. So I HAVE FOUND OUT WHY I LEFT SCHOOL and this is what God wants me to do, answer surveys, collect vouchers and then spend on something nice. I could answer 50 each week and would never have to work again!!

I also help to run an Alpha course on Tuesday evenings which is ten week course on an introduction to Christianity, started by Holy Trinity Brompton and has gone all round the world. It involves a a talk, discussion, meal and a chance to bring all kinds of questions in a relaxed way. I will wear my purple heart shoes this week!!

On Friday and I went to the Dorchester for coffee and Mirabelles for lunch with two of my dearest friends who I met at college and the same ones who meet me in May with their husbands and celebrate my birthday!!!However can you believe it but they were DRILLING IN THE FOYER OF THE DORCHESTER!! Well!! It served me right as naughty Fliss had sent texts to various people telling them where she was going!! How cruel. It was fantastic to see Val and Ali. You are brilliant, real gems and your friendship and Ian and John's have blessed my life so much. I will send you the photos and send the one of the 3 of us to VOGUE!!! Mirabelles even had a green and purple coffee cup but my photo wasn't very good so you cannot see it.

Following this I went into Berry, Bros and Rudd in St James (the Queens wine merchant!!) . I got to asking about SAFRICAN that we had just drank in M and he politely informed me I could buy it in ODDBINS!! I am sure the guy next to me was thinking WINE IDIOT!!BUT when I played my card and started spouting forth about RICHBOURG which I had been given 7 years back in Minskys next to the OVAL the atmosphere in the shop changed. I was waxing eloquent about it being exquisite, divine( sorry Lord!!) etc and then said:
Just out of interest (smiling as I remembered my income is 1/9 of my teaching salary!!) do you have any in?
Yes madam we do. It ranges from between £700 and £1000. I kept my face straight and after that he was a real charmer and I said to him thanks for not being stuffy, perfectly charming and when I marry a George Clooney look alike and have a wine cellar I will be there at BB and R!!
I skipped out, grinning like a cheshire cat and deriving such pleasure. I know it is absolutely pathetic but it keeps me amused ( yes I KNOW I need to get a job and a life!!)

Girls I do have two bits of very bad news. The Twirl bar is 6g of fat PER FINGER and not per bar so now I know why I have been putting weight on!! I just happened to look at the wrapper 2 days ago and the awful truth was there for me to see. Sorry I misled you and you have been knocking them back like there is no tomorrow!!Secondly TK Max were selling my purple heart shoes £15 cheaper than the shop in London. Criminal! How annoying is that as I always get bargains. If anyone wants to copy my wacky style take a trip to Clapham and buy them!!!

I have realised that CS Lewis and J F Kennedy died on the same day although I cannot remember if JFK was 1963 which I will check or someone can tell me.

I wonder if there are any more fans of HOUSE out there with Hugh Lawrie on channel 5 on Thursday. He is a complete cynic with his heart securely under lock and key ( which we are all hoping will break out!!) However Hugh Lawrie plays it brilliantly and the fact that one would expect emotion ( like his last conversation with the 9 year old last week) and his emotions are buried with little chance of being unearthed. Any comments on the programme?

Just had an email from America about course in March from an organisation in the States called Pathway to Purpose on Woman's Life Coaching which appeals but what do I do with it!! Still not sure about going to Moorlands Bible College on Saturday as a long and expensive way to go for a red-herring and yet one must explore possibilities.

This week it has been very hard as one of my dearest friends Angela who I have known for 25 years is in her last days. She has such a huge circle of friends, has had such a zest for life, worked in Brussels, has such a generosity of heart and seeing her in the Hospice for the last 2 days has been hard. She has a faith and I am praying she will be given strength, peace and comfort at this time and will pop upto Clapham later although it is important for her to see others and yet she is so tired so hard for us all to get balance and we simply carry on doing our best. I then went out to Cafe Uno in Berkhamsted with friends which was good.

I also had a blazing row in the Christian bookshop in Clapham about their posters. I said the one on the "wages of sin is death" and other such ones was such a contrast to fantastic stuff and coloured , uplifting stuff inside. She said they weren't King J version, I said Jesus still said it. She said God was a God of judgement. I said I agreed but also mercy and compassion. She came back and said that God would "draw them into the shop"!! At that point I slammed the cards, down on the table, said she could keep them and judgement without compassion was deadly. Normally when I calm down I tend to apologize but not this time. Sanctimonious, legalistic and smacks of the worse kind of Christianity!!!

Sorry only 2 pictures as I know lots of text is tedious.
Must finish. Much love
Fliss xx

Restoring my heart 17th Jan 2006

Hi you wonderful people and complete gems
(I did ask permission of my niece so here she is with her classy auntie for those who have not seen it. She is a brilliant girl and I love her to bits so now anyone in the world can read this!She served at New Year at local restaurant, carried 5 plates at a time, totally unstressed by it being packed - awesome!)


So how is life treating you at the beginning of 2006? I hope you are facing the year with a sense of hope which is vital to our well-being even though at times it seems that it eludes us

I don't know who saw the documentary on C.S. Lewis recently with Anton Rogers which I thought was good and did not gloss over the pain of loss, his questions, his anger with God etc. I said on a recent blog that CS Lewis had been translated into 14 langugages but in fact it is 41, so slight difference! I am still trying to borrow Weight of Glory and his other books especially the Screwtape letters which is a classic on a conversation between a demon and his uncle Screwtape on how to bring down the Christian. Wonderful stuff and I am able to relate to it so much.

I also forgot to mention the excellent Miriam Margoyles who did Dickens in America which was like oil on the soul. Some amazing bits, her joy and sadness at finishing the trip, the scene with the snowballs was mesmorising. Her joy in life, humour, sense of child like awe are refreshing when alot of what we can see in the media is anything but unlifting and leaves us burdened and weighed down. I rang BBC 2 to say well done and keep that kind of stuff coming.

Whilst at home I had a fantastic conversation with a Muslim guy on the market who offered to send me one of his phone tunes which I would call Banga music but not sure of correct term. I was hoping to impress my niece and show how cool I am (!) but that kind of music is not her scene and she thought I was even sadder!!Brat. Even though he knew he was talking to a complete phone idiot ( as he had to show me where the volume button was on the phone!!) he did sell me a cable for £10 which in Currys was £29.00. I can now send music from my computer to my phone and use it when I am travelling. I have a mixture of Van Morrison, Henry Purcell, Rownan Keeting and my ring tone is Cum Sanctus from Bach' s B Minor Mass - awesome!!! Jan B at school would be so impressed with me. How cool am I and it only takes a few minutes to do. So please ring me rather than text as it is an awesome piece and I love listening to it and I only have 100 texts a month which is very difficult to live with!!!

I saw the film Crash last night which several people have recommended to me. Even though the language is wearing and adds nothing to the film, there are some awesome scenes in it which so speak to the heart and still had me thinking about them this morning. It has several layers and is thought provoking. Rather than spoil it if I said great scenes involving an overturned car and gun, then you can see if you agree with me when you see it. I would recommend it.

Today we had a prophecy teaching morning taken by the wonderful Liz ( thank you so much for my hand knitted scarf!). I was given 2 interesting pictures which will probably make sense in the months to come so I will keep them in my heart and share them at the appropriate time but they were encouraging. This was followed by lunch at Pizza Express with 3 brilliant people who have blessed my life so much over the years and we usually have a real laugh and think about lots of key issues in our lives and how we live in the 21st century.

This next bit is taking liberties and you need to use the imagination!!

Angel Gabriel: Lord do you think Fliss has an inflated sense of herself and who she is?

The Lord: Chill out Gabriel, Nicki is going to lunch on Monday and will be challenging her about an area in her life that I want to deal with!! I have brought at least two people to her in recent years who have driven her to the edge and caused her to think of suicide for the 1st time and murder on a serious basis, but watch closely as she will listen to this!

( Of course God is outside time but no worries!!)

Sure enough Nicki came to coffee and lunch and within half an hour had challenged me completely on how she handles conflict!! Far too mature for your own good and still great with it. Nauseating!!!I was amazed and am aware my way is completely immature as anyone dealing with me knows! I also skimmed through a chapter in John Ortberg's book called " Everyone's Normal until you get to know them" which has a whole chapter on conflict and I therefore took notes!! Needless to say that is the last time Nicki will come to lunch. I do not mind being called a Christian and going to church but surely this life changing, heart changing stuff is far too radical. Really Lord what IS the world coming too!

I have also been listening to an OMF tape on China which is seriously challenging. I still have 60 pages to go on Billy Graham's autobiography " Just as I am" and have just written to him this morning. It is a brilliant insight into the man and I could safely say he is right up there as my number one person as one I most admire in the public eye. One line was interesting "if any of you out were hoping for juicy pieces of gossip then I am sorry to disappoint you" and in all 765 pages there is not one piece of gossip. Great. He is still a country boy from North Carolina, has no idea why God chose him and introduced himself at Harvard as not an intellectual, academic, theologian but the above. Few people would have known 9 presidents well and still retained humility, integrity, feet on the ground etc. It is one of my regrets that I have never heard him live or met him ( at least not in this life) but I can hear him on the internet. He said the Queen was one of the most informed people he had ever met on world affairs a point many forget.

Talking about the Queen, and I know there are those reading this with very different views on royalty, but I have always admired the queen and when Rolf Harris painted her, much of her true self emerged that the public does not see: compassionate, with a sense of humour, good listener, interested in people and integrity. I have the greatest respect for her and am full of gratitude for her in so many ways. So ok I am on dodgy ground with some of you. I can live with that.

I have also written to someone who five years completely cut contact and yet the last time we met everything was fine or so I thought!! She wasn't holding a gun to my head and telling me to quit waffling!!I know other people come into our lives and yet nobody can replace another in the human heart so we shall see what happens. I can wait, as I do believe one day maybe in years to come reconciliation will come.

Happy Birthday Gytha for 16th which I think you share with Martin Luther King. Wow.

A 9 week course in the States in Sept keeps poping up which is with Grace Ministeries in Atlanta. Not sure God is in it but asked for information of weekend course in England which you do 6 months prior to the 9 week course. Also open day at Moorlands Bible College on 4th but .....!! Heard an amazing talk by Michael Ramsden on net yesterday from the Zecharias Trust in Oxford on Christian apologetics and truth. Challenged the little grey cells at one point big time.

This is still a time of restoring my heart big time and the stuff which stretches my mind is great but I need to hear His quite voice to the heart at the moment and allow the oil of restoration.

Lots of love you wonderful people

Fliss xxx