The bottom of a pond and celebration in style!! 12th May

Hi you complete gems ( as I listen to Monteverdi with a glass of wine on 7th) Edited on 13th May

( The Ritz and Burma are my favourite places in the world and what a contrast! Anybody who wants the experience of the R let me know and we will go. I want to give as many people as possible the experience as it is awesome and I love it. Both these places, are I believe a gift from you know Who. He also arranged the birds to sing Happy Birthday to me at 4.45 am on 12th. How clever of Him!!!!)

This comes with lots of love to you originally written on mum's birthday and hope you are enjoying life, stepping out, having chilled times and fun and feeling that you are making headway!! No doubt some of you will feel anything but, as life is tough at the moment ! I know some of you have really been through the mill with many issues and I am sorry it has been so tough with little let up. Do keep me posted, as I will be thinking of you.

The photo below was taken at my sister's in December by my dear niece and auntie likes it(!!!!) but three of me how tedious!!. In fact she took 4 and I like them all which is amazing. She obviously has a real nack for taking photos but cannot think where the interest in photography came from!!! Still slightly fuzzy whilst other blog ones are clear, but nevermind. I am also carrying a purple coffee cup so......!!!!

This week I celebrated my 47th birthday and went with a group of very dear friends to the Grove for a starter or main and then the usual brilliant 2 couples( above) to the RITZ and a swanky restaurant afterwards on the actual day. Here is the Ritz in the picture. The others were a few minutes late and it is a measure of the place that you can go in alone, feel totally relaxed ( I ordered tap water to start !!) and sat in the wonderful gallery feeling so full of gratitude and thinking WOW Lord thankyou and the waiters have always been so kind. I am going to write to the Rivoli Bar to compliment them. None of us can believe it is a year since we all met, although I do see the wives in November and you will remember that they were drilling in the Dorchester when I met them for coffee!! We then went to the TERRACE at the Meridian in Piccadily which was gorgeous, great ambience, superb food and altogether a brilliant evening. Above is me tucking into CALORIE FREE CHOCOLATE SWEET TO DIE FOR!!! Perfection. John, Ali, Val and Ian you are wonderful friends and SO KIND. Thank you for your friendship which has enriched my life so much you stars. I also spoke to Kyi Kyi and Thuzar in Burma in the morning so what a brilliant two days.

My sister and I met up in Manchester recently for lunch as I got a brilliant deal on the trains on peak time with a fare of £13 single. It was her birthday ( yes 3 of us were in the space of a week) so we had a cocktail at Harvey Nicks followed by a starter each with salad so pretty healthy. She looked as classy as ever and I had my wonderful long green and blue jacket so we both looked the part, although were appalled by a guy near us who treated his female companion with contempt and rudeness, was on the phone constantly, hardly spoke to her, dressed like a real slob and made HER pay the bill! What a rat. We both felt so sorry for her.

I got into a conversation with a music student about 10 minutes from Manchester and in a very empty train she had sat on the opposite side of the aisle to me and I really regret not talking to her earlier as she was very interesting, American and obviously talented. I think we all meet people for moments or see them in the street and wish we could simply start a conversation ( sometimes I do!!!) with them or get to know them. I had 2 amazing conversations with guys on the train to Preston and they were both fascinating, funny and really great to talk to. Those moments are PRICELESS and the number of conversations on trains, buses, planes and life in general have been enriching and brilliant.

I attended a wedding yesterday of a former colleague at All Soul's Langham Place in London. I know his wife too so it was great to celebrate with them on that very special day. There were 4 staff from school there and several ex- students so managed to catch up with them which was pleasant. Guess what! On FRIDAY I dyed a Monsoon jacket from the place I always get my clothes ( sitting in my wardrobe for 5 years and a boring lilac) which went through the washing machine twice on 60 degrees and I wore it at the wedding!! That is impressive and Monsoon must be congratulated, as the jacket says dry clean only but I ignored it!!

The tiredness has been a real issue still so will ask the doctor if I can have a thyroid check up. It is not too strong to say it is debilitating on at least 2-3 of every week days which is SO FRUSTRATING even though I look the picture of health on others. I am taking vitimin B, multi vitimins and trying to monitor food to, so will see.

There are 4 jobs in Religious Studies locally including 2 Heads of Department but just not interested in teaching it at that level or in fact teaching at all, as I NEVER want to go back on that tread mill. I know that the right job may still be months away and I may even be rejecting stuff that in time will be right, but I have to go with my instinct, gut reaction and inner peace. I KNOW the longer things go on the more difficult it might be but ...! The doctor has signed me off for 26 weeks ie until October and then it will be over a year, so hopefully by then I will be firing on all cylinders but in a different way to previously.

The reference to the pond was because a friend at church had a picture of a pond whilst she was praying for me and said that once the water has been removed and debris, then all the dead stuff at the bottom of the pond was also being removed which fits in with feelings of restoration, rebuilding, tearing down, tossed around etc which I have had in the last 8 months. Whilst I was waiting for the psychologist, I saw the headlines on a Period Living Magazine which said RESTORED IN LOVE and that is exactly what I think God is doing restoring me in love. Mind you in the same room they have a very faded colourless picture of flowers in the WALLACE collection!! I have had moments in last 8 months where I have felt like the flowers but I KNOW the vibrancy and colour will return, so I wait and how I wait is important!!!

I am still seeing the psychologist once a week and still find it extremely helpful even though I feel sluggish in my thinking and sometimes feel I am making no sense.I am still learning about different ways of thinking(!!!), what are the implications of what I believe about life, my faith, qualities in those we love, etc and have talked about loads. Recently it was the new kids on the road who are a pain and whom I could murder at times. How long O Lord the psalmist said and boy do I understand that cry!!!!I could do a brilliant skit on me being her:
" If you tell me that one more time I am going to strangle you. I have already heard enough waffle today from you and others to last me a lifetime so give me a break or I will have to get a psychiatrist myself!!!

I have said to some of you that IF this makes me self centered and me me me I trust you will all say, as I would really hate that, but I know you will tell me in love of course!! My question at the moment is can I have a heart for ( AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ANYWAY?) people I DO NOT trust? Probably but I will be thinking about that and loads of other stuff, so do email me with any thoughts. I know when I am married to the Burmese, Christian, George Clooney look a like, famous and loaded the psychologist and the rest of you will be publishing "the truth about FLiss" as told first hand. Of course it will not be a problem, as I will simply sue the lot of you as I sip decent wine in my New York purple and green pent house( yuk!) and think what SAD people you are!!!

I had lunch this month with one of Angela's Bible study group and her family in London. Great hospitality, wonderful children and her husband makes the BEST capuccino( can't spell it) I have EVER tasted. Wonderful NZ wine too which I must find. Thank you, you stars and apologies that, even though I have sent an email, I have not sent a hand written note which I like to do, even though nobody can read my writing!!!

Amidst the tiredness I am going to to the Burmese Embassy and demonstrate with others about the genocide of the Karen in Burma on 16th, went to Heathrow to see somone off to the States, saw some ex -students and have others over for a sandwich lunch whilst sitting in the garden which I am grateful for. The other day I asked one person to give my email to an ex- student, a guy who has been coming to mind over the last few weeks. He emailed back (and his writing style is great) to say that he had been looking out over the Solent which was blue and green and thought of me with my colours and in the same week ( I think) I emailed. These things happen so often to me but I am still fascinated by them.

So here I am 9 months later still no clearer, with amazing days, some difficult days,scary moments but know that all will be well and I will emerge into new things even though it is taking far longer than I could have imagined.!!! He knows what He is doing and that gives tremendous hope and a measure of peace. I am certain of Him whilst being uncertain of the future in every way.

I will probably edit this over the week or add bits but will see. Thank you again for all your input into my life. You stars as ever.

Great card from PAPER CHASE and wonderful purple and green flowers from a very dear friend which were delivered to the Grove. She has excellent taste in flowers and friends!!! Ha Ha!!

Much love and a hug to those I have not seen for ages as you are scattered around the country but I am thinking of you and you know who you are.

Flissxxxx