Sunflowers in the midst of emerging clarity or is it?

Hi you gems
So you amazing and dearly loved people how are you? I may be on the verge of a job, but more about that later! I pray that 2007 will be full of peace, joy, love, enrichment for us all. Do continue to keep me posted. The Comfort and Joy candle is incredible and its fragrance fills the home.

Before I begin, I MUST clarify something as some of you are wondering. No! I did not drink the whole glass. Ali, Val and I shared a bottle between 3 of us over 3 hours and of course they drank most of it! Sorted!

It is now 11.45 pm on 19th January and I am listening to Handel’s Christmas Oratorio on my mp3. Dad very kindly gave me some money at Christmas and we got this amazing deal with 2/3 off, so I am in my element. My wonderful niece put on a real mixture from Limewire including Nina Simon, the Rolling Stones ( lyrics ok on this one!), the Who etc and I ( yes how impressive am I!!! ) put on Handel, Bach, Purcell, also managed to download from Limewall, put on some Christian music and Monteverdi. Awesome collection and so uplifting. Just what I need at the moment.

Two things have happened this month which some of you will find wacky. The other day I felt God say that He wanted me to go to the London School of Theology in Northwood. I went to find some particular books but they did not stock them!! I ended up borrowing them from a lecturer for a week who did not know me, found out about a course starting in April but still felt pretty miffed about a “wasted journey”. I then thought He said “do not get the next bus but the one after” which was a 35 minute wait!! So I went to Starbucks, feeling irritated (!!!) and then walked to the next bus stop. There a lady looked at my bag, asked if it was from Burma and then told me she was from Burma, just happened to be visiting her uncle in Northwood but actually lives in the centre of London and we chatted for ages and exchanged emails!!!!

So what is new? I approached dad about teaching English in Burma on the 2nd day of being home (over wine of course) and he WAS NOT pleased to say the least. However my niece was EXTREMELY ENCOURAGING. I had taken her out for breakfast and, as I relished the bacon butty, I could not believe she would be so enthusiastic about my doing that and seemed to confirm so much. Actually I think it is because she wants to see her embarrassing auntie 6000 miles away. It is the timing I am unclear about. Anyway here we both are. I am wearing one of the outfits I had made over there by the amazing Mai Lewin
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I have looked at Tefal /Tesal and emailed the person in Singapore who organises the English teaching in Burma. They have changed the rules in Burma, so he is there now and will email me with the information. I also contacted Cambridge University Press which they use over there. .

I received a fascinating article from a newspaper which is about Burma but published outside the country about a group of students active in the 1988 uprising where an undisclosed number of students were killed. They have now started something called “Open Heart”( great name!) which I am interested in and is so symbolic. To me this is unprecedented, things are happening and it fills me with hope and anticipation. Others reading this will disagree of course!!! William Hague has also spoken out on Burma recently in Parliament following talks with someone from the ethnic groups in Karen State.

SO TO THE POSSIBLE JOB!!Last Friday I saw a job in Bucks but thought too far and left it. On Sunday I was asked to go to a local church in Bucks for the 1st time in ten years at Soul Survivor and we “just happened” to pass the school and I realised it was right near the tube station! So I emailed them Monday and said not really confident on A level teaching, no clue on next step and Tuesday morning is the only time I can come in this week. If interested contact me. They rang back within 10 minutes and I went in. Lots to commend it, one and very good reputation in the county but as I walked out the gates I thought “ Lord there is NO WAY I am applying for that” and left it. However that night I hardly slept and the next day knew that the total lack of peace meant God was on my case!! Whilst listening to Handel’s Coronation Piece and praying for inspiration I wrote the covering letter in 15 minutes and thought it was pretty good!. I then got it checked for grammatical errors ( only 3 instead of 33!)by the wonderful Judith B and sent it off MUCH AGAINST MY WILL. I thought He said “you apply and leave the outcome with ME. Be obedient”. I thought way too scary I want to control this AND I DO NOT WANT THIS JOB!!!!

HOWEVER on Thursday morning Ruth at church prayed for me having Mary Poppins on her mind since she got up at 6.am !!As she relayed what she thought God might be saying, it hit home like a train. As MP is practically perfect I GUESS IT FITS!!! It sounds pretty arrogant to say what she said so I will tell you in the month I finish if I get the job!! The reading for today out of MY daily read was from Isaiah. “ Who shall go for us?” and Isaiah says “Here am I send ME” He would wouldn’t he and WHEN I see him in heaven one day we will have words!!!. Frankly the whole thing is too close for comfort. It will involve A level and building up their confidence as they are behind in the syllabus and today whilst waiting for a friend thought that the candle above was key and I would be lighting it in 6th form lessons AND IT would be a symbol of hope to them in many ways!! Of course I could be wrong and they will not even give me an interview. We will see!!

Hopefully God is simply asking me to be obedient in the application and will NOT ASK me to take the job and it will be offered to someone else!!!!. Two other points are that the former Head of Science, a Christian who taught at my old school for 27 years with me is NOW at the school part-time, the HOD lives in North Watford AND as I came out of the school I bumped into someone I had taught with in 1992 who JUST happened to be visiting her son in Bucks but lived in Devon and had arrived only 18 hours before!! She told me to apply but I still thought not on your life. I never want to teach again!


Frankly the covering letter was pretty sound and I think I will get an interview!! I also saw the head for about 2 minutes and immediately thought we would get on. Of course I could be totally wrong on all this.

I went out the Grove recently with Hilary and Janette who I love to bits but I felt completely bereft of peace and joy. I hate being robbed in that way. Actually I always find the month leading up to when mum died very hard and I KNOW many of you have faced this kind of thing so you know exactly what I mean. On 25th I will be fine and it is all part of life.

I heard a fascinating interview with Rosie Sansford(?) on Women’s Hour. I cannot abide the latter but happened to have it on whilst reading the paper one morning. She is attempting the Antartic( spelling?) in March and has already done the other pole. Inspiring stuff. I also want to hear “Battle for the soul of Saudi Arabia” which is on next Tuesday evening on Radio 4.

So I could be stepping out to new horizons! I would start after half-term but they want someone now. It will be brilliant not to have the responsibility of running the Department but I am under no illusions that it will be easy even with 21 years experience. All will be new AND I WILL be totally reliant on God as usual. I wonder what He has in mind and not what I expected but could be a stepping stone. It is 3 or 4 days and is for 2 terms initially. All the way through it has been "do what is in front of you NOW, light for the immediate step or no light at all and just trusting Him!" It would raise money for Burma but I have to be obedient without understanding!

Guess what! In the middle of doing the draft, the school have rung to ask me to go for an interview on the 24th !!!

I was also in a quaint tea shop in Kings Langley yesterday with a dear friend and saw the pilgrim jewellery which I love as the name is symbolic. I was also in the Southern Cross and next to my table was a picture of a purple and green vase with a sunflower in! Some of you might remember that 8 years ago someone prayed for me at the Soul Survivor Festivals and had a picture of a field of sunflowers. They felt God was saying that just like the sunflowers turned to the sun, so whatever situation He put me in I would always look to Him because that is what I had always done. At significant times of my life, sunflowers have sprung up in the most unlikely places so …!! Last year I saw a field of sunflowers in Burma. As you can imagine the wow factor went off the scale with the backdrop of the country behind them.

Anyway on the next posting you will know whether I have got the job. The Head’s PA is a real dear and we have now just exchanged calls again to say the interview has been changed to 1st FEBRUARY as their 6th form have exams next week!!! I know He knows best but could this really be what He has in mind.....!!!!

Take care, lots of love as always . The two ladies symbolise ALL the people who have been so encouraging and stood by me over the last 17 months with notes, prayers, emails, texts, expertise and helped in a 100 ways. You know who you are. Thankyou simply does not do justice. Anita brilliant to have lunch with you recently - always a blessing.

Flissxx