Sunflowers, missing Burma and the heart- again!

Hi you gems

This comes with much love to you all. I am unsure who is on Facebook so if you are, you can contact me through that as you CANNOT comment on my blog thanks to John stopping any weird people wrting anything. That obviously does not include me of course!!

Happy Birthday to my fantastic niece Francesca. You are a wonderful person and auntie will be back soon, so watch me get you into trouble with your mum!!!Childish I know but fun!

As I have not updated the blog since the middle of June, you probably think I have lost interest in doing it. However the main reason is that I have had a sore wrist and frankly just not felt like writing anything, as the last 2 and a half months have been difficult. With only a week to go before I return to school, it has not felt like a holiday. The noise level in the area ranging from dogs, music, neighbours who talk in the garden at 3 am, kids outside etc has driven me up the wall. I know I have much to be grateful for but at the moment my joy, peace and love seem to have dried up and I feel spiritually, physically and emotionally exhausted.

I am reading about 8 books at the moment and having finished the Kite Runner it is difficult to find another novel which comes remotely near it. I thought I would ask my sister to buy A Thousand Splendid Suns for Christmas which is his 2nd novel. However I am reading the Dawkins Delusion( as an answer to the God Delusion by Dawkins) and Glimpsing the Face of God by Alister McGrath. I have also been lent The Glass Palace which has a picture of the U Bain bridge near Mandalay in Burma on the front and I have been over it. In fact I have a painting that some guy did of me walking over the bridge and he painted it in purple and green of course!!

Last week I went to Soul Survivor in Somerset with 12000 young people and helped on the prophetic and enabling teams. The prophetic involves 6 -8 of us praying for youth leaders from around the country who we have never met, asking God to give us words of encouragement, comfort etc, recording it on DVD and asking them to weigh up what they are given and give us feedback either positive or negative. I am always hazy on pictures, impressions etc and it is difficult to know whether one is just giving “blessed thoughts” or the prophetic. We are all learning and to see the quality of these amazing young people is humbling as is to be in the big tent with 11,000 worshiping God and people in their 20’s leading the meeting apart from Mike Pilavachi. We were also on the God channel twice and went out live. Thanks to Becks and Jemma for the lift there and back and YES I KNOW the church paid you to take me!!

Whilst having lunch with a friend she asked me about payment and it turns out I am being underpaid quite substantially so have been to the tax office to claim a rebate. I am always clueless on this kind of thing so…

I have seen some wonderful people over the summer including Marialena who gives me a lift to school every day and has actually had lunch with me twice ( what grace!!), dear Sarah and Sam also from school too with scones and cream!, Niki, Lizzie, Lisa, Ruth, Pat, Janette, Barbara, Margaret etc – all fantastic people. Of course not going to Burma has been SO DIFFICULT and that is probably why I feel like I am “existing rather than living”. However we have all been there and life will sort itself out, IF I SORT THE HEART OUT. I know with me it is usually the heart and the fact that I simply cannot be bothered to ask God to give me a heart for someone! YES I KNOW I have been here so many times before but here I am again!! Yes what a surprise!! I know there is a correlation between peace, joy, love so we will see what happens in the next few months.

One good thing over the summer was that the A.S. students did pretty well and in total as a Dept we got 22A, 10B and 2C so thanks to ALL THOSE people who prayed for the 30+ students. It was significant for me that the night before the results, I saw a rainbow which is a symbol of promise. The next day, when the acting HOD phoned me, on the way to see my mentor I was trying to juggle my mobile, write down names and grades on the Euston Road I had to kneel (significantly) on some steps with my best jacket on!! I thought wow Lord thank you and what would they have done with 9 months continuous teaching in Philosophy! I was, of course, totally reliant on Him each day but everyone knows that by now, as I have been for all my teaching career and indeed daily life.

I have actually been in school about 45 days since February and I have about 40+ days left so hopefully I will NOT be in the wilderness all that time!! We had a Faculty Lunch in Barnet and were given wonderful hospitality and also went to the pub for a farewell meal for a member of staff who gave one of the funniest speeches I have ever heard. In fact most of the speeches were inspiring and talked so much about personal qualities and not only what colleagues did. It will be interesting to see what God opens up around the beginning of December. I WILL keep looking in the TES but know that He probably will not open anything up until the last possible moment, although I could be wrong!!

I shall look forward to hearing about Claire’s ( my NQT at Parmiters and great colleague for 4 years) trip to Calcutta where she took 4-500 photos. Thanks for giving the letter to Sister Priscilla at the Missionaries of Charity. It is amazing that Sister Priscilla and I have been in contact for nearly 20 years since I first went to Calcutta and I remember God clearly said that I would be praying for someone there and it turned out to be her and she is still on my heart every Wednesday after all these years, which I know is God as I would forget to pray each week.

I am off to see my dad, sister, niece and brother in law this evening at 9.00pm, so it will be good to see them and we are having coffee with friends' of mums tomorrow.

Thanks to Niki for doing a brilliant job on those sheets I gave you and great to have lunch with you recently. Thanks to Pat for meeting me for lunch yesterday and Sarah in the evening - both a real pleasure, even though I know I was not at my best!

I also heard Desert Island Discs on Friday with Vladimir Eurovsky( spelling?) who has just taken over as principle conductor of the Royal Phil Orchestra. He had such depth, humility and it was good to hear such a contrast with a previous guest who was superficial, banal and hearing him speak was not the most uplifting experience in the world.

Just spoken to Thuzar in Burma so that was great. I might think about going out in January when I have left, but we will see whether God opens the doors or not. Some of you know that sunflowers have been there at significant times of my life and in the last ten days I have seen loads in totally unexpected places, so I feel God is really encouraging me in the next step!

I will finish with a quote that someone gave me on FACEBOOK by Maya Angelou:

People forget what you say or do but they NEVER forget how you made them feel."

Congratulations to Gerd and Rosi in Chile on the birth of their new son. You stars. Great to see you recently in Harpenden.

Cheers for now
Lots of love you amazing people
Flissxx