Waiting with expectation and trepidation!! 29th October 2005

Hi you complete gems

Much love to you all. Thank you to all you have given me over the years. It is much appreciated.

Judith you will see that my wonderful green top in the photograph is the VERY ONE I bought in your local thrift shop ( US term for charity shop!!) in Utah several years ago. It has worn well and so have I and I still think it looks good!! I still remember when I was sitting on the non- stop flight to New York by mistake instead of the Salt Lake flight and had to make a quick exit to my plane which was next door!! I even remember knocking on the plane door and only wish I had had someone with a video camara behind me as it would have been brilliant!! Moses and the parting of the Red Sea ( or maybe it was the Sea of Reeds) had nothing on me as I yelled out "Lord please stop that plane" as it had moved from its stationary position. What a joke and none of this is exageration. They probably radioed across with a string of words I cannot even repeat in public!!

I have received prospectuses from 2 places which are training and Bible Colleges and they have open days in November. Frankly the thought of studying anymore does not appeal to me after doing preparation for all these years and sitting up to all hours with the A level. Nevertheless this will be different but it DEFINATELY DOES not appeal, although I know several people who are working abroad went to these kind of places in preparation!!. We will see. Today I went on a walk with a local group into the country and the daughter of one couple had been to one of the colleges I had sent off for!! Oh dear. We will see if that is significant or just a co-incidence!!

I have seen two friends this week who are both teachers and it was great to catch up with them. So thanks Gill and Amanda for giving up your valuable time, being so wonderful and I shall be thinking of you as you go back to work!!Snigger, snigger!! Gill the fridge magnet I gave you is ABSOLUTELY TRUE so do take that on board. Amanda you might copy me by having a blog too, but style really is individual so do not try and compete. Everyone else has tried and failed miserably!!

To show you that I am even sadder than my last comment I have also taken photos with my phone from the computer so I can use as wallpaper and also taken photos of things I like e.g. my double hearted brooch and I EVEN have the above photo of me too remind me what look like!! No copying this idea everyone. I know I could use bluetooth to copy pictures but cannot work out yet but did use infrared but do not know how I did it!!

On Wednesday I finally got through to Thuzar in Burma after trying for 6 weeks. Her emails have got bounced back and she wanted to say a huge thank you to all those people who prayed for her English exam which was so difficult. Some of the material was equivalent to stuff my A level candidates would use and it is not her first language. I was useless at helping her with the grammatical rules and even some of the vocabulary as she sat on the train with me and revised on long journeys. Her score was phenomenal and way above what any of us could have dreamed. I was choked as she told me as she had given up 12 days of her revision time for me in August. Rightly or wrongly I think God really honoured that. To think she was in the middle of Burma and the line was as clear as a local line( albeit people listening in!) was brilliant. AOL do a deal for £9.99 a month and calls to Burma are 30p a minute as opposed to others which are £1.30!!! Burma is one of the most censored countries in the world affecting the press, phone calls, emails etc

I went to a prayer and chocolate night on Tuesday which was great so thanks to Sophie for organising that. I have never had white maltezers before and did not even know they existed. The great thing is you could dive into the chocs whilst everyone had their eyes shut and were deep in prayer!!!!. I also spent time with 2 people I do not know very well but feel sure one of them will be someone I will know fairly well very soon.

I am waiting with expectation and know that all will be clear at the right time. Naturally I am continuing to pray, being open to all I can and still relishing the freedom. I was reading a book called "Out of control and loving it" ( ie let God lead me forth and do not try to control Him) by Lisa Bevere and her prayer journal really spoke to me. It was as follows:

"I know you feel dry and empty but this emptying is from Me. I am removing the last of the old but do not move to the soul. Stay in the Spirit. Spring up o well. Call that well forth. Call out for refreshing. You are on the threashold and in need of My strength. Let your mind be still ( easier said than done I think!!). There is a new grace on you to rise up... the time of preparation is at hand.. When I have shaken do not attempt to rebuild but allow Me to do the building. "

I am listening to the wonderful Emma Kirkby singing Handel's Gloria. I had not realised that he had written one until 4 years ago. I have heard EK several times and was so struck by her encouragement of some students at the Abbey last year. Her humility has been mentioned by several people and I think fantastic when she is world famous and has been in the spot light for years. I always feel encouraged by that especially as I saw someone I respect greatly in the acting profession but the interview did not leave me that enamoured at all. In contrast Olivia Newton John, in an interview with Parkinson last year, was superb and his interviewing is great, as opposed to one who will be nameless on another channel who thinks that inappropriate sexual comments are funny. What a sad person. Unfortunately this kind of view is outdated today, but do I care. Not a bit of it.

The other quote I saw this week was "God does not ask us to do the things that are easy to us naturally. He only asks us to do the things we are perfectly fitted to do by His grace" I am not sure I totally agree with that as I think I was naturally able to stand in front of a class, wear wacky clothes and waffle on for years!!

Did I mention an excellent interview with John Sentamu the new Archbishop of York on the Today programme last week? Fantastic and well done to the interviewer who I think was Sarah Montegue or it could have been Carolyn Quinn. Well done whoever you were. Interesting combination of him and Rowen Williams. I await with interest and anticipation

Oh dear today ( Saturday) I was at a church meeting and talking to various people. Later this guy had a word about " If anyone is thinking about biblical training then go for it". Forty of us heard it but three of us heard different things. I groaned when I heard that but when he said someone had come forward and said it was for them, I BREATHED A SIGH OF RELIEF. However three hours later I bumped into someone who is based in Notts at Bible College who was only in Watford for 30 minutes and when I asked her if she was glad she did it she said" Glad is not the right word but I know it is right for me! When I got home there was the magazine from All Nations College in Ware who have an OPEN Day next Saturday!! All coincidence or God!! Of course if I show I am open without being really open God might let me off the hook and say "Ok I was only testing you" Great cop out but He knows this could be me and I will flourish, have a brilliant time and who knows where it will lead. I am putting aside the next 4 days to really seek God so all social stuff will be on hold as loads going on in weeks following this!!

Another week over. I am about to go and see one of my ex -AS students in a play at the Palace Theatre on the Holocaust. Liz, who is going with me, is wise, funny, gracious and is worth her weight in gold. I now need to sort out images from web as just downloaded Picasa to try and stop the problem of unable to publish photos without endless attempts and endless emails across the pond to John in the US.

Much love as always. Keep me posted on how you all are as I am interested.

Fliss x xxxxx

The Desert will blossom! 21st October 2005

Hi complete gems !!!

I wonder if I should update every fortnight as maybe every week is too much for you all. I would welcome feedback from emails or comments on the blog( which you can't do unless I release you individually to do so which is too time consuming) . It does not bother me as only takes about 35 minutes a week so no time at all.

Today's reading was from Luke "and Jesus (Fliss) went into the desert...". It feels like a desert at the moment but, contrary to popular views ,a desert is not necessarily full of sand and barrenness. In Isaiah 35 it says the desert will blossom and therefore there is life and abundance. I feel I have much to learn in the next few weeks /months and feel that it might be tough but I know it will be a springboard for a new phase so will see. All dead stuff needs to give way to produce new life which will lead to greater fruitfulness. I am confident of this but time will tell. I am going to do a study of desert times in the Bible.

I also feel strongly that I have 7 books on the go May/June and feel I should put them all back on the shelf and concentrate on two- the Bible and maybe Billy Graham's autobiography. I want to find out what the next step is so unless I spend time with God and read His word it will be impossible to find out!! Not exactly rocket science.

I think I said at Job Centre I told them I could cope with making tea and simple filing and then burst into tears!!! Monday was difficult as the doctor signed me off. I have never felt so tired in my life and feel I have hit by a freight train and 25 years have accumulated. Ok so most of you are thinking "What!! There is NO JUSTICE. She has just swaned around for weeks, delighted at getting her life back, enjoying social life AND THEN she gets signed off!!!" It might encourage you to know I DID feel guilty for 2 days but now all I can say, as I am grinning from ear to ear, is "Get over it. Enjoy slogging at work ( ha ha) and as Oscar Wilde said " Work is only for the drinking classes!"

I had to go to the SSecurity centre to claim incapacity benefit ( what a joke ) How depressing. I will not go into detail about what I heard, saw and what they said. Suffice to say it was soul destroying and just made me livid!!!! Some people high on stuff, drinking outside, loads of freebies given out including everything paid to an ex- student of mine( albeit a sweetie) behind me. I should probably pretend to be pregnant with an abusive partner and tell them I am going to be homeless!!! Don't ask me how Christian compassion for the less fortunate comes into, this as no idea!!! God is a God of justice but this does not mean He is happy with those who are taking the state and the rest of us for a ride. (Did I hear anyone say like me!!You complete peasants. Get a life!!) There are deserving cases and I know that and I do NOT want to be legalistic and judgmental, but no doubt someone will comment on my lack of compassion, which is fine. My perspective on life is ALWAYS RIGHT as you all know so ......! Of course Fliss you all chorus in unison.

I feel that supply at my old school is not the right move. I have to go with that until I feel otherwise. Obviously even though I am off I will still be looking for jobs. I saw two jobs for teaching RS locally but again I do not feel I should go back into teaching R.S. However on Tuesday I received an email from one of above schools as I had sent for details last week ( only because Job Centre was on my case). They asked me to come for an interview on Thursday. I emailed back and said I have looked at stuff, do not think you are right school for me, I have no time to prepare a lesson( which accurately translates as I am not prepared to put any time in today !!) and I have no idea whether I am meant to be in teaching at all BUT if you still want to ask my old school for references and you want to call me for interview get back to me!! Nobody in their right mind would but we will see and a fleece is sometimes important if guidance is unclear. I might be wrong about RS. but that is ok and I will just adjust accordingly.

I got a new phone this week WHICH was a freebie to keep with my phone company another year, so that is fine as it is an upgrade.It has all kinds of gadgets( blue tooth, video, camera, music etc) which I have not sorted out yet. I also had to claim on my insurance for the digital camera which disappeared from school two days before I left. I really thought it would turn up as it disappeared from amongst the presents and I know there were outsiders in school that evening so.... !! It will arrive on Thursday so I can then use it and put my own photos on the blog as there will be no copyright!! If anyone knows laws about copyright in UK let me know.


I have a chaplaincy meeting on Tuesday from 10-2.00 and will have chance to talk to those who are doing it already which will be good. It was all very relaxed and I spoke to the minister from the local church who has had trouble over the years with the same lot who gave us a difficult time for 8 years. Again I felt exhausted and have also been for blood test this week.

Burma is cropping up in the United Nations, the Security Council and I have just emailed one of the Thai Senators (John U) who is constantly speaking up about it. I wonder if I will hear from him. I doubt it, but we will see if he thinks it is important enough. Liam Fox, Desmond Tutu, Kofi Anan, Vaclav H, have all mentioned the country recently and that has to be a step in the right direction, even though there is a long way to go. Shaftesbury laboured for about 35 years to see slavery abolished and people will not give up on this. Obviously there are loads of issues and injustices all over the world but we all have to find our own cause as we cannot get involved with everything!! One of the organisations I belong to has asked that I write to Kofi A and others so that is on my agenda this week. I have been waiting for Burma to have texts but like the email they will be monitored and controlled. Still my aim is to send a text to friends 6, OOO+ miles away and I will do SOON.

A friend and her husband, who moved to Cambridge in August, popped into church for an hour or so. It was good to see them and hear that God seems to have definitely gone before them as a family and that is great. They are an incredible family and, if they are reading this, I know it will not go to your heads!!I will soon see next time we meet! May God continue to bless you abundently as you give to others and carry on being amazingly hospitable and carry on being YOU. Be careful as I might publish your address on the next blog and you will have loads of visitors and then YOU CAN REALLY test your hospitality!!!!

The incredibly classy Nicki came round to pray on Tuesday and, as ever, it was brilliant to see her and thanks N IF YOU are reading this( sad girl!!) for giving up your valuable time. You are a gem and please understand even though I go on about you being classy ( as I feel you might be discouraged in trying to compete with me!!) there is FAR MORE to you than just class- your passion for God, wisdom and down to earth manner, integrity, humour, honesty and just one brilliant person. Ok enough praise for one blog. Actually you know that all the praise is because I have my eye on your house which has a purple door, is tastefully decorated ( i.e. my choice!) and I think you have green and purple curtains in the front room as well as the fantastic wooden floors. Good to know my influence is rubbing off. In church one day I will give that word from the Lord "R and N give your house to Fliss" and of course I will make it authentic by having a picture too!!

I am listening to the Bach Cantatas (conducted by Philip Herreweghe) as I write this which are uplifting.The mass in G major "Cum Sancto Spiritu" is awesome just like the CSS is great in the B Minor Mass. I also met my brother in law in London and we found a brilliant place called Mercury in Upper Road Islington. What food fantastic ( £5.95 for main course, £2.50+ for starter or sweets) good atmosphere,great service and the prices are brilliant for London.

So all in all a fairly up and down week but as I go out in the rain I have my chocolate umbrella ( kindly given by some wonderful friends from Oxford who are two of the ones who meet for a drink(usually at the Ritz) and a meal for my birthday. All 4 of them are brilliant and of course you know I love you all to bits . Hence the photo above. Excellent idea of mine. I am just full of them I know!

So all you teachers and those who work in schools enjoy half-term, chill out and recharge the batteries. Sorry about rest who do not get a break. I must say a special thanks to the wonderful secretaries at my old school who have been fantastic in doing all the jobs I have given you to do for magazine, reference etc.!!Don't forget to please send me a copy of interview BEFORE it goes into P magazine please G. All this public praise might mean you will carry on being kind to me ....... !! You gracious ladies. I taught you well!! Ha Ha!!

Take care of yourselves. . This is my groovy chick bin but when I get used to camara I will have better photographs than this.

Much love at the end of this blog. Ruth I will make sure the bacon sandwiches are hot next time you come round for early breakfast!!

Fliss xxx

Reflection over endless coffees 15th October 2005

Hi you gems
(coffee in Pyin U Lwin in the middle of a great train journey to Lashio but picture to blog is not clear yet it is on the computer. Suggestions please?)
I would like to say a special hello to any ex- students who are now at University and any wonderful 6th formers who might be reading this. I hope you are enjoying the next stage and those at university are joining lots of societies and meeting new people. You all have much to offer.

Even though the week has been busy I have also felt it important to have times for reflection and see my way forward. Oh dear at this point you have all pressed the delete button. I realise that you very busy people ( I am smiling!!) hardly have any time for reflection but.....

I heard Desert Island Discs on Friday featuring a BBC journalist who was badly injured in Saudi and his camara man was killed. It was excellent, so if you get chance to hear it again on the net I would recommend it. I have heard some inspirational people on that programme and discoverd Avo Part's Spiegal et spiegal ( can't spell the piece or his name) which was on an amazing film Wit where the last scene needs a whole tissue box as this incredible music is in the background. It cost me £3.90 for the DVD and to send it from Canada from Amazon. It is one of the best films I have seen in years and the performance of the leading person is wonderful. Your homework is to find out who it is!!!

Last Friday's GTC magazine was devoted to mentoring and coaching so I have emailed two places, one the Hanover Foundation in London so will see. I am still unsure whether the work abroad is for now or later. Last month when I was praying I felt that God said:


"You have to put Burma down. You may never look into the eyes of people you love in Burma or set foot in the country. Your hope cannot be in returning. It has to be in Me. Whilst your hands are full of Burma I cannot give you anything else."

All true. I do not think He is saying I will NEVER go back ( or is that just wishful thinking!!) but that my hope can never be in it. That is true. My hope cannot be in anything else- Burma, social life, people, my personality and humour!!church etc!

I know it is important to say WHATEVER, WHEREVER LORD I will do and I will go, BUT I am not ready for that yet. The Hanover Foundation emailed back and said they are not recruiting until next year but to send my CV.

I was interested in the reaction by one of the commentators Nick Parkes on the fire in Bristol which destroyed all the props from Wallace and Grommit that in the light of the tragedy in Pakistan this is nothing. We are so used to people calling all kind of things a tragedy ( like England loosing football matches etc, pathetic incidents that do not even merit the word tragedy and in any other society would not be given to it).

Since Monday afternoon this has been the most difficult week since I finished culminating with my being in tears and feeling totally burned out and 25 years of slog hit me full on at the Job Seekers interview. She said what shall I put you down for. I said all I feel I can cope with is simple filing and making tea. I felt a real twit and she referred me to the doctor to see if he would sign me off. After I have felt so amazing I now feel as if I have been hit with a freight train and the feeling of nothing to give is overwhelming. I am sure it will be fine soon. In fact today I did see the doctor and he has signed me off for 6 weeks to get some space as they want you to apply for 2 jobs a week and frankly that puts such a strain on looking for other stuff. I have been to job fairs, sent off information for 2 R.S. jobs locally ( but do NOT think these are right), emailed Hanover Foundation, got TES and other things. I feel there are lots of interests and strands but cannot work out how they will come together.

Just bought a book by Maxwell and Dornan. If I told you the title you would all be groaning or thinking "What. She has bought that. Who DOES she think she is!! The title has 5 words in and a brown cover. If any of you has nothing better to do then find out what it is......!!! One of the quotes in it states:

Character is made in the small moments of our lives. Philip Brookes a 19th century clergyman.

There are loads of other quotes in the first two chapters and I will select best three for next weeks blog. Yes I know you can't wait.

Tomorrow Dr Elaine Storkey (well known speaker and writer from Oxford) is speaking on the trafficking of women, sexual and medical ethics and global poverty. I would like to go but there is also a party in the evening to say thanks to Tim and his wife Rachel at Soul Survivor who are moving to HTB so will see if I can do both.

Enjoy the weekend everyone. You have 2 pieces of homework to do and any tips about why photo is blurred and which photos I can use which do not breach copy right would be great.

Much love of course

Fliss xxx

Joak fixes the blog!!! 6th October 2005

Hi you gems

As I still cannot delete the old blogs, which are repeats, I may ask you to type in http://FlissPurpleheartforBurma.blogspot.com so I only have the ones I want in there. However a friend from California who is married to Judith who used to teach at school years ago is dropping in on Wednesday so I may yet sort it out!! He is the mysterious John O from previous blogs so well done John for sorting out the problem and being very patient with teacherish Fliss!! Halos will be dispensed soon!!

I am amazed that people I have never met are reading my blogs and if you are want to comment on the blog ok, if you are bored out of your tree by the blog then feel free to say that, BUT if you are TRYING TO SELL me stuff please do not leave a comment. I AM NOT INTERESTED AND I FEEL SURE YOUR integrity will not allow you carry on leaving information on credit cards, etc. You are probably GREAT people but NO MORE. There are more important things in life AND HOPE you get this message!!! Maybe it is automatically generated from companies so I will look into this! You can all see I am still new to all this tech stuff.

At the moment I am reading 8 books including one by the girl who was in the most famous Vietnam photograph of all time who was burned by napalm. She lives in Canada and is a Christian. The other book that has reduced me to tears is by Jane and Mike Tomlinson called "The Luxury of Time"She had cancer, was told there was nothing they could do and then she goes on to run marathons!! Awesome courage, both Jane and her husband Mike are refreshingly honest and if anyone knows them who reads this ( I will probably write to them) tell them THANKYOU.

I am also reading Billy Graham's autobiography which is also fantastic. What humility. How God has used him and in the course of his life he has walked with integrity and humility conscious of his frailty. Another great quote is by Hudson Taylor founder of the China Inland Mission ( now OMF) who said " God looked round for someone small to do his work and he found me". When HT went to CHina in 1865 there were no churches. When he died about 45 years later there were 611 churches and 20.000 Christians and each month I get information about the amazing sacrifices the Chinese Christians are making and how much the church is growing. Awesome courage and risking everything for Him. It is interesting that in countries where people are tortured,killed, imprisoned for being Christians, family taken away, etc the question of God and suffering never arises. It only really arises in the West. I wonder what that says!!!!

The Christian lawyers breakfast was enjoyable as they were really friendly and praying in the chapel at Lincoln in Fields was great . If anyone reading this is in the legal profession, is based near LIF and can go along and support then I would urge you to do so. The cafe does great toast and coffee and both the coffee and peanut butter are wonderful.

The Archbishop of Canterbury came to Soul Survivor on Sunday for the morning and evening services and tea at 5 pm. What a fantastic guy, what humility. It was brilliant to have him with us, his voice is incredible (!! he should do talking books) and the way he integrated with people was wonderful. I felt choked as we prayed for him and not sure what that was all about. He spoke about in the silence God expands us and I have ordered the CD so can listen to him again. I will read his book again which is called Open to Judgement. I did ask him for his autograph to put in the book ( I know it is daft at 46!!). Now I have Mother Teresa's, Desmond Tutus and his.

I wonder how all you fantastic friends are who are reading this blog, old students and anyone else who happens to come across it. On Tuesday I went to the Britain-Burma Society at the Royal School of Medicine in Chandos Place. It was very enjoyable and everyone was very friendly. I also met 3 Burmese students and John from SOAS who used to teach Burmese and by all accounts was an excellent teacher.

I have also seen a French film called The Chorus and the music was a big hit in France when it came out. It is a definite feel good film and I enjoyed it at the end of a cultural day in London with the wife of the new youth worker of Soul Survivor and a £3 lunch at the International in St Martin's near the church - bargain!!

My next task is to get images from web that I can legally add to the blog otherwise it is tedious with all writing.
So where are the wine recommendations from you wine buffs? I tried Wither Hills recently which I really liked.
Much love of course
Fliss xx