Emerging freedom, immense gratitude and a LILAC SKIP!!

Hi you complete gems.

I think this space form here is so true for all the ladies who read my blog and I mean ALL!! Yes YOU! Despite feeling weary and maybe a bit down and even fraught, this IS THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU!! I bought this in London recently as it was half price and I have always loved it, so BELIEVE IT you fantastic ladies. You guys are brilliant too!!!

So last Thursday it was exactly a year since I left school. All I can repeat is that I feel an amazing sense of gratitude for the last year, which I would not have missed for the world or EVEN all the wine in Tesco’s!!!! As I said before, it has NOT BEEN EASY. Transition and uncertainty never are, but I feel such a different person from this time last year and far more energy and I give thanks for that. I feel the real me has reappeared, much restoration has taken place which is wonderful after being a shadow of myself for last 2-3 years whilst in school. I felt totally ground down despite some wonderful staff and students. The plant below was symbolic of me and is exactly the same one 11 months later and I have only just realised it mirrors my life( hope you like the nail polish!!) and is in the front room!

I have been clearing out the shed and the loft and only one box and some tapes out of 14 years in this house were mine. I feel that is symbolic of the last year as lots sorted out. But CAN YOU GUESS the skip arrived and IT WAS LILAC, SO I rushed to get the camera to capture the picture for you all to see. How sad to get excited by a LILAC SKIP!!! You are all shaking your heads and thinking she has come to this. What a waste!!! I might even add my picture of the purple clothes wash stuff I have!!! I think I hear a siren outside and I am about to be locked up!! I wonder which of you sent it over!!

I am listening to that amazing track “Now we are Free” and should have as my theme tune as it is symbolic, although of course inner freedom is a life long process. Also the amazing soundtrack from Shadowlands on C.S. Lewis which Judith got for me in the States as it has been deleted here.

My wonderful niece, Francesca, will be 18 at the end of August. Wow I cannot believe it!!!! You make this auntie so proud, as you are ONE FANTASTIC YOUNG PERSON with awesome gifts and I love you to bits just as you are. I am the MOST PRIVILEGED AUNTIE in the world. I am sorry I blackmailed you about not being too mean about my achilles heel, as with significant birthday looming and all that…..!!!!!! Actually I am not sorry at all. You brat! How COULD you say THAT about your amazing, classy, brilliant auntie? Youngsters today – REALLY!! I seem surrounded by amazing younger people at church, outside, ex -students and a wonderful niece and it teaches me loads, humbles me beyond words at their qualities and gifts ( awesome), so thanks to you all. You gems.

I had my last CBT session on 28TH which is the right time to finish but also found that slightly difficult as, since I was young, I have always found endings hard !! The Psychologist has been a complete gem, a real star and I will always be eternally grateful for her amazing grace, endless patience, challenging questions( should not be allowed!!), insight, humour and the sessions being a real key in the restoration process!!!!! Hence the plant here and the purple one below!!I thought I would be embarrasing by crying into my ice cream and had my classy hankies ready but mercifully I was ok One topic came up “the good is the enemy of the best” which I believe about big decisions , but will discuss more on the next posting and be interested in all your thoughts. I know( because I am always right!!) she will continue to be a real blessing to many, both now and in the future and I feel immense gratitude which thankyou does not even begin to convey. Enough praise for one posting I think! I wonder how many other psychologists have been mentioned on a blog in the world. Judy M is that a question mark!! Sorry not sure!!!

I went to Axminster recently to see the wonderful ex -colleague. She and her husband have this AMAZING place with wonderful views. Classy lunch in L.R., great company and even clotted cream, jam and scones in their garden. Wow what a perfect day, despite the journey time which was as far each way as a flight to the east coast of America!! Wacky but worth every moment. She has always been a complete gem and is someone I have always admired. She will be embarrassed if she reads this, but nevermind I can delete if not happy for a small fee!( her house!!)
( Plant reflecting Fliss's life!)
I discovered a fantastic Burmese café called Mandalay( which I have been to) on the Edgeware Road when I went into London recently for a medical. The food is awesome and has reviews in New York, Delhi etc for the best budget meal. I had lemon chicken, with coconut with noodles and it was amazing.


I heard Lisa Bevere in London recently who has written lots of books and her and her husband John ( who I heard the next day) have a ministry in the USA. She is one talented communicator and on Saturday spoke to between 1500 and 2000 women of all different ages and nationalities, for 3 hours in total and had us enthralled with her honesty, humour, passion for God and very real approach. I was reading her book “The True Measure of a Woman” this morning at 6am am absolutely hooked and it seems like all the stuff God has been saying to me over the year was in this one book. It blew me away.


I had lunch recently with the wonderful Fiona and had the most fantastic éclair in the little café near her home. Cream oozing out and loads of chocolate so how could I resist!! As I am no good at making decisions, thanks Fiona for your amazing grace and patience whilst I took ten hours to decide between Thai and Italian!!! Great company, food and a glass of wine ( which naturally I WOULD not have had, but you forced me”!!). Thanks. We must do it again. Enjoy China


I have two meetings with chaplains in August as chaplaincy appeals but not really sure …. One was a chaplain at Ampleforth and she lives in Essex or London and the other is the chaplain at the University of Herts so we will see if it throws any light. There is a also a job in Wandsworth for January as Head of Pastoral Care at Ibstock School but not sure it really jumps out with the distance and FULL TIME!!

When dear Liz took the prophecy evening recently we had to look at everyday words on a sheet and ask God to show us something He wanted to say. I had the suitcase and butter!! When I opened the suitcase I had packed the wrong clothes which could have a number of interpretations:
I AM unprepared for the next step
I am heading in the wrong direction
My case is full of the wrong things ( teaching?) and God wants other things in
She also had a picture for me which I will give on the next posting.


I think I have a dread of God saying Bible College or study. Full time, study and my fear of being in a ghetto would really be tested and I would have no social day in the week!! I know your heart goes out to me ( or rather you are thinking yes get a taste of the real world my dear!!) but I think God understands all this stuff don’t you Lord!!! He seems strangely silent. Oh dear!!!

To end with I have found a flight to Burma for £240 cheaper than last year for later this year. I am very tempted but not sure if it is right!! I KNOW I have an issue with all this guidance stuff as it drives me up the wall, everyone else as well as the Lord and the angels ( who must have their wings over their faces thinking “ Really Lord it is SO OBVIOUS what YOU are guiding her to!!!! “! I also got an email today (24th) from a couple going to Burma in at the same time too who contacted me a few months ago about an English job in the capital. I also can get into Kachin and Chin State and I have ALWAYS believed I was meant to get into them. The confusion is logically I should NOT be going, having not worked, do I go with Quatar or stuff the expense go with Thai and visit the ethnic groups in Thailand and THEN go to Burma!!!! The belief above about wanting the best He has for me, rather than the good AND certainly not wanting to live a mediocre life is a factor I think in the whole decision process! I will continue to work it out.......

To finish with I remember a prophecy given in March and on another posting which was:

The person saw a clock and the hour hand had stopped. She said I possibly felt that time was ticking by and nothing was happening. However God was going to offer me the opportunity to step out of the circle ( do I want to, as I have just got my life back!!) and it would make my heart sing BUT I must NOT weigh up the pros and cons.

I wonder if THIS is the Burma trip, as opposed to teaching English in Burma which did not make my heart sing!! Things that make my heart sing is another REAL KEY. I wonder what makes your hearts sing you amazing people?Whilst in St Albans yesterday seeing Val who is one GRACIOUS FRIEND, I went down Holywell hill and saw a gate open and in all the 20+years I have passed it has been shut. Feel that is symbolic and God speaks in a multitude of ways through gates!, people, circumstances, inner peace, His word, sermons, creation etc. If fact in a hundred different ways SO I know I should NOT find it that difficult.

I also organised a Mums and Tots social to Pizza Express and shared a sweet with someone I do not know, but asked her to decide on one. What did she choose! Summer pudding! I ask you! I THINK my face was a picture but, I had asked her to choose’ so… That is not a sweet, it is an excuse for one and whilst everyone else, except Nicki, gloatingly tucked into chocolate glory, fudge and cream concoctions I made a mental note to murder one particular person!!! However as I am out a lot next week I did not feel too badly done by and today I had a Magnum, so all is well!”

Very busy week coming up and seeing a lot of people but all amazing ones so fantastic. I am also seeing a university chaplain on Thursday so will see…..!

So you gems I will be off to the Soul Survivor festivals on the 14th with 15-20,000 youngers and camping. What fun!! Brother Andrew is speaking, is one amazing guy and in his 70’s. What an incredible life he has led and a challenge to anyone.

I have just been out to Sunday lunch to Taste of India in Kings Langley with my cell group and at £5.95 it is a total bargain. Thanks Ricki for organising. Guess what!! IT had purple napkins and table cloths, wonderful green and blue candles and the waiters had green shirts on. I I must take lots of mints tonight to church as, if I am praying for someone, it will be awful for them to have garlic breathed over them!!! I have had it done to me and you completely forget what the person prayed for you, as it is horrid!!

I could not resist the purple washing stuff which goes with my purple washing up liquid, but must go as I think I hear a siren!!!!

Postings are ALL at the bottom and go back to Burma trip last August in archives.

Much love as always
Fliss xxxx