Hemmed in and stuff stripped away! 14th Nov 2005

Hi you complete gems

This picture ( the original does not suffer from flash!!) was taken in Lashio the furthest east I was allowed to go. It is significant to me as it symbolises waiting, at peace and trusting the One who will lead me to new horizons. I do not know what that means, but certainly this week I have a sense that God wants to "enlarge the place of my tents" take me deeper and further in whatever He has in mind. This sounds great in front of my computer ( with no cost involved!!) but stepping out will be different. Still I must take this step.

I am writing the first part on Friday night on the eve of my trip to All Nations Bible College in Ware. I have got lots of reservations about me going to any Bible College, more study, a Christian ghetto, cut off from reality(not true) , too restrictive etc. You can see I am not interested at all and feel no sense of excitment, as it seems too costly. Ok some Christians might relish the thought of doing this kind of thing. I do not so.....!! On Thursday morning at the prayer meeting someone had a picture of me going up a mountain and because I had flip flops on I was sliding all over the place and making no progress. The person thought that God was possibly saying for the next phrase of my life I need to be trained, as I without preparation I will not be able to do it. We will see if that is God and she offered it without saying "Thus says the Lord". Yet I know that 22 years ago I DID NOT want to teach R.S. in school and we all know where that ended up!!

Actually I have felt very rough for the last 6 weeks with energy level zero and almost everytime I sit down I have fallen asleep which is very frustrating. However I have had time to do a study of the Israelites in the wilderness, looked at their attitude, how they reacted and what God was saying to them. I was also lent a book called the Whispers of God and it has some good stuff to say especially God is more concerned about relationship and not just primarily communicating His will to us. I feel frustrated that 3 days out of every week I am just out of it.

On Friday I spent a very relaxing day with one of my dearest friends who lives in Harpenden. Lisa, if you are reading this, I love you lots, you are a very peaceful person ( do show this to David!!) and it is always fantastic to see you. For me Harpenden is one of the most peaceful places I have ever visited anywhere in the world. I also picked up a book on Adoniram Judson who was a missionary to Burma from the States. His early life and the story of his conversion is amazing and challenging. He lost 2 if not 3 of his wives there and three of his children and wherever you go in Burma people have heard of Judson and many churches are named after him. He was incredibly intelligent, could speak Hebrew and Greek by 9 and his life is certainly a challenge to many. It cost him everything to step out. What a courageous guy. I think it was Theresa of Avila ( friend of St John of the Cross) who said that if this is how God treats His friends.....!!!

I am sorry that I owe about 30 letters and this is the only regret I have for this time. I simply have not done anything about it and I DO feel letters and notes are important, rather than the impersonal blog where everyone gets the same thing! I am sorry but have just not had the energy to do anything about it.

I had lunch with another dear friend last Friday who has given me so much over the years and done a great impression of listening to complete waffle. You fantastic lady Val, thanks for teaching me loads, keeping me informed on world events, making me laugh and being so great. I love you to bits too and hope you know that. Of course I do Fliss. You remind me enough. Ah but do you hear it!!

As I said earlier this is definitely a stripping away time so that new life can grow and EVERYTHING I have thought is important has been affected in some way. It is a time when God has hemmed me in on everyside ( Hosea 2) so that I seek Him and only He can truly satisfy which is what I have always known, but I wonder if I have believed that with all the other trimmings!!It is only in the crucible that one gets to know Him better.

I am reading another book by the same guy who wrote Waking the Dead and this time his wife is co writer. Both extraordinary honest. I had not realized that in the story of Adam and Eve, Adam was STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO EVE when she was offered the forbidden fruit. I had always thought she had tootled off to find him and tempt him but OH NO. GUYS he was standing right next to her and what did he do!! NOTHING. The book then goes on about passivity in all its forms. Amazing. I had never seen that before, although read it hundreds of times!!This is not a dig at you guys as both you and we females are awesome and made in His image.

I had the Governor's Dinner on Saturday and even though it was pleasant to see everyone I am so GLAD I am out of it all. That is the only thing I am certain of in a place where all else is mystery. I made the right decision and that brings real peace. Unfortunately after looking the picture of health on Saturday I was then out of it Sunday and Monday but know I must be patient.

The Hanover Foundation need an answer about going for an informal interview and I need to phone then on 16th so need wisdom. I also have a prophecy course this week and then the Lounge on Thursday at Soul Survivorvwhich will be chilled out music, mulled wine etc in aid of the street children in South Africa. I had hoped to be meeting friends in London on Friday but that has had to be changed to January if I am able to make it then but will depend what I am doing. The latter is one of the stripping away things ......

I heard about a book called We are Iran on Andrew Marr's programme this morning about bloggers in Iran being incredibly outspoken about what they think of the country and I am interested to read it.

Guess what, one of the guys in the Thai Senate replied to my email about Burma. What a star. Even though it was only a few lines I was impressed. He is called Jon Ungphakorn born of an English mother and Thai father who spoke up loads for human rights and his son is obviously following on. Brilliant. Apparently he is highly respected in Thailand and I wrote to him to say great about you speaking out on Burma and please keep going so we will see.

Must go as 11.pm. I wonder where I will be this time next year!!!!!

Fliss xxx